the john needs me til 7pm tonight i have only been here since 6am whats a few hrs. just starting to feel like a normal person after being on nights for so long. the stress of life has really been getting to me. the stress of not being able to have a family has really been brothering me lately.
and yes i know it well happen when it happens.

i broke adams moms table tuesday that was a horrible day complete accident. we have had the table since 2006 anyways but adam freaked out he was like your not the one that is going to have to deal with her. (which he is right) cause i aint going to. the hose hit it just right and it fell. accidents do happen. anyways that was a really bad bad night. yesterday was so awesome adam cleaned the house and i mean like dusted, did the dishes, vaccumed, moved things around, and did laundry. so awesome to come home and just relax thank you adam.

found out adams brothers wife is pregant were not to happy about it honestly and yes im jealous. but heres the thing they fight all the time, he talks about leaving here, he talks about wanting to move to oklahoma. i dont know none of my business i wish the best for them, i just cant deal with it right now so anyways.

see lots of things my mind moves 90 to nothing at all times i know i dont make sense but oh well

good parent

working nights is such a mess my days and nights are so mixed up. feeling a little depressed right now. I miss rowen already, she goes home on mondays. Why wont her mom let me keep her adam and i could provide her such a good life. and my family would be such a good family for her. is it wrong that i want to provide someone elses child a life. She is two and so cute, kind, loving, a fast learner and just wants to be loved, I honestly believe that her mom may love her but doesnt care to be a mom. What is a mom?? You know just b/c you dont keep your child clean and in good clothes or dont work or have a husband, does that mean you a bad parent? what makes a good parent? a good parent is someone that provides a safe, clean, honest, healthy life